I was wrong: it had not been a Soap Opera. But I had heard about a very popular exercise class, so I switched to that channel. It should have been very relaxing. It was called “Z Yoga Class for Beginners.” I came to it in the middle of the program. It looked like there were 100 women: 10 in a row, each with a personal trainer helping them, the instructor in front, and I think I counted 10 rows. There were multiple cameras, some portable, in an enormous room with purple curtains astride stained glass windows seeming to depict a body of thought. The scattered floor mats seemed out of place somehow. They showed overall shots and close-ups of each individual with her trainer.
The instructor demonstrated various poses and exercises and the trainers made corrections or offered help or encouragement to each individual.
The instructor wore a purple leotard and gold hoop earrings. She said, “Everyone here on the show today gets an entire wardrobe of the latest designer fashions from our sponsor, Lily Fashions that you’ve just seen, including dresses, accessories, and jewelry — all worth up to $8,000 if bought retail. Everyone also gets an activity-tracker wristband exercise bracelet worth $500. Also, each of you will get a year’s supply of Moose Potato Chips.”
There was loud applause and cheering. Everyone was jumping up and down not like in any known yoga move, and while they did, staff people put down gift boxes next to each trainer. They continued to jump so hard that the purple curtains fluttered like in an earthquake.
The instructor said, “OK, let’s settle down and continue… Legs apart in a stable manner like this…” Then she turned her back to them to demonstrate the next move. She said, “Clasp your hands behind your back, thus, palms together, thumbs down, and tighten you fingers for a count of 20. While you’re doing that, your trainers will have a surprise for you. OK, 1…2…”
The trainers seemed to take bracelets out of the boxes, and for each woman put them on both wrists. When the cameras did close-ups it was clear that they were handcuffs.
The instructor couldn’t count past 10 and started to stutter. She said, “…uh, I am, I am… no, no… I am Zusoiti and after the room is cleared, I will have an important announcement. Remove these slaves and take them to the Grand Palace…”
The screen went blank for a few seconds, and then words came up on the screen: wait for an important announcement to follow. Please stand-by.
It became clear to me that there are no decent programs to watch on TV anymore, and exercise is not as beneficial as they say.